Breakfast Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD.THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.It read:TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN, PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE, NO CIRCUS TODAY.So he sent another note down. It read:THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP, AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD.SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.To which she replied:I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'STHE BEST IN THE LAND.BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW, SO DO IT BY HAND!!

CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...

A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. “You claim to have stopped
by Mrs. Edwards’ house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?” “Objection, your honor,” shouted the other lawyer.There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was
proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. “So,” the first lawyer continued, “Please, answer the question. What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?”“Nothing,” said the witness. “No one was home.”

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Whoturned on the fucking lights!""Oh, no sir," the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the' fucking lights.'"

A wife was in the kitchen making the boiled eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in and asked, "What's for breakfast?"
She turned to him and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."
He, thinking it's his lucky day, stood her over the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards he asked, "What was that all about?"
She answered, "The egg timer's broken!"

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.
The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"
The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."
"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I more...

One Sunday morning after church, little Maury's family invited the priest to breakfast at their home. His mother asked little Maury what he would like for his breakfast and he replied, "I want a lightbulb."
Everyone laughed.
The priest was warmly touched by Maury's funny remark.
"Very funny little Maury," said Mom. "Now tell me what you want to eat."
"I wanna lightbulb," said little Maury.
Mom felt a little irritated with Maury behaving this way in front of their guest. She said sternly, "Enough of that, now what do you want to eat?"
"I wanna lightbulb, Mommy," little Maury said once more.
Mom had enough and said, "Now you can go to your room!"
The good priest felt he should intervene. "Now little Maury, tell us why you want a lightbulb for breakfast."
Maury replied, "Well, last night when I went to bed I heard Daddy say to Mommy, 'Honey, turn out the light and I'll more...