Breakfast Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"

Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady replied breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her. “Leave only one quart of milk, ” she said. “Jon won’t be here for breakfast tomorrow. ”

Having theirr wedding reception in the same
hotel, and the two grooms, John and Dave, are having a few
beers together at the bar.
"I bet I make love to my wife tonight more times than you make
love to yours" says John.
"Never. I'll bet $50 my wife wakes up more satisfied than yours"
says Dave.
"Right, you're on. But how will we tell which one of us has
won?" says John.
"Easy. When we come down for breakfast tomorrow, just order
the same number of slices of toast as number of times you
made love." says Dave.
The following morning both couples are at breakfast, and both
grooms are smiling as the waiter comes to take the order.
John leans over - "I'll have a full English breakfast, and SIX
slices of toast" he smiles, winking at Dave.
Dave leans over, and says in a loud voice - "I'll also have a full
English breakfast and SEVEN slices of toast -- and more...

Bachelor's Diet

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox

DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El more...

Two friends met after many years at a hill resort. Coincidently both had come with their wives to spend their honey moon, After catching up with their childhood days and lot of back slapping, they decided to let each other know how many times each one did that night, but the problem was how to comunicate.
It was thus decided that during breakfast the next day, the no of times one did would apply butter that many times on the toast. So the next morning when they met at the breakfast table along with their wives.
The first friend picked up a toast and applied butter, one time, two times three times, four times After that he kept the knife back and looked at his friend across the table.
The Second friend picked up the toast and started applying the butter Once, twice, thrice, four times, fivetimes, then he looked at his friend, and then turned the Toast over and started applying the butter, once, twice, thrice...

A man and his wife were at the breakfast table when he suddenly remembered that it was their 50th Anniversary.
"Guess what, darling," he said, "Fifty years ago today you and I were wed."
"And we ate our first honeymoon breakfast at this very table," she said.
"We were naked as jaybirds, remember?" he blushed. "Oh yes," she giggled, 'Why don't we take off our clothes right now?" "All right."
They stripped to the buff and stared at one another across the table.
"Oooh, darling," she said, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"No wonder," he said, "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is.""Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home!"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"