Breaking Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

College Dorm
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out
some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be
out-of-bounds for all
male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first
time." He continued,
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of
$180. Are there any
questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a
season pass?"

"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..."
(especially when you share the same major!)
PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
RELIGION: Each prays for reconciliation and/or curses G-d
ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
THEATRE: "OH MY G-D! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"
BIOLOGY: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"
PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."
WOMEN'S STUDIES: "HE did it!"
BUSINESS: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.
HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the more...

Country Tunes
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

Once a man was going in his car and suddenly he crashed with a very fat lady who was a weight lifting champion.

The lady got very angry and asked the man to come out of the car. She made a circle around the man and asked him not to step out of the circle.

She began to break the car now. When she was breaking the car she looked back and saw that the man was laughing. The same thing happened thrice. Then she very angrily asked the man that why was he still laughing.

The man answered that "when she was breaking the car he had slowly stepped out of the circle."

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY... check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he more...

The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (Yes, Guys, these are REAL.)
1) Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life 2) Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed 3) Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye 4) Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure 5) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 6) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? 7) I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral 8) I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life 9) I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling 10) I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me 11) I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. 12) I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 13) I Wanna Whip Your Cow 14) I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! 15) I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win 16) I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy 17) I'm Just A Bug On The more...