Breakup Jokes

Her: But, I love you..
Me: You don't know how to love...
Her: Yes I do...!
Me: Really, please explain...
Her: I want to share everything with you... My deepest secrets...
Me: What? Your Cervix?
Her: Fuck you!
Me: Exactly!

The breakup of the former USSR and the rapidly changing political scene in East Europe has resulted in a new crop of jokes. Here is one on the' new' political education (and realities) in former Germany.
"What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?"
"A big difference, comrade."
"And what is it?"
"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under socialism, it was the other way round."

Psychology: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
Sociology: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
Religion: Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God
Archaeology: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
Theatre: "OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"
Biology: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"
Physics: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
Journalism: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."
Women's Studies: "HE did it!"
Business: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.
Italian: "Mama Mia!"
History: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.
Geography: Both people decide to more...

"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..."
(especially when you share the same major!)
PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
RELIGION: Each prays for reconciliation and/or curses G-d
ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
THEATRE: "OH MY G-D! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"
BIOLOGY: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"
PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."
WOMEN'S STUDIES: "HE did it!"
BUSINESS: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.
HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the more...

Sex Dictionary
Backed Up - Glandular condition that men get from not having sex.
Bad Breaker Upper - Someone who ends a relationship by saying those mean things that people don't mean, but means them.
Home Bed Advantage - The confident feeling one gets while making love in one's own surroundings.
"
It didn't take"
- George's explanation for Susan's short-lived experimentation with lesbianism.
The "
It's-not-you-it's-me"
routine - Breakup method to which George lays claim.
Love - A spice with many tastes, according to Newman.
Make up Sex - The best feature of a heavy relationship; eclipsed only by "
conjugal-visit sex"
.
Master of your Domain - One who can refrain from masturbation. (Also: Lord of the Manor, King of the County, Queen of the Castle.)
Public Fornicator - A porn actor.
Put in - The length of time one has to keep up a relationship after a sexual liaison. Elaine suggests three more...