Sexual Jokes

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
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Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
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One sperm says to the other,' 'How far is it to the ovaries?'' The other one says,' 'Relax. We just passed the tonsils.''
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, more...

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hello's and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Jewish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Running-Bear Goldberg, nice to meet you."

Locked my keys in my truck.. Late for work and a little frantic I knew I could get it open if only I had a hanger. I ran to the first open business I could find.

Note to self... Never ever, ever frantically run into planned parenthood looking for a hanger.

I was hard at work the other day and I was thinking to myself....

If I had a girlfriend, would I still be "hard" at work?