Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent more...

Just see those Dreidels turning
And candles burning all night
Why it's that Chanukah time
We (Jews) call the Festival of Light.
I'm busy buying Chachkes
And frying Latkes for you (and you and you)
Come on, there's lots of bargains
At Saks Fifth Avenue.
Bridge 1
Oy Gevalt, Oy Gevalt, Oy Gevalt, you know,
I'm sick of the snow
I'm dreaming of a warmer place to go.
Gonna shlep, gonna shlep the family
They're comin' with me.
We'll celebrate Chanukah on the beaches of Miami.
With all the colds they're catching
My friends are kvetching, "Oy Vey!"
Let's have our agent book us
And fly our tuchus away.
Bridge 2
There's a shabbas dinner at the house of Rabbi Cohen
It'll be the perfect evening in a kosher home
We'll be noshing on foods we love to eat and maybe take a snooze
Then sit on the couch and eat some more and schmuz
Schmuz, schmuz, schmuz.
Then the rabbi more...

Q: What is the worst possible bridge hand you can have?
A: 4 aces, 4 kings, 4 queens, and 2 jacks.

Marg and Sam invited a couple over for a evening of bridge.
"Sam," Marg said, "this is the last couple that will ever accept an invitation to come to our house. If you dare to do anything to offend them tonight, I will crucify you!"
After they played for a while, Marg went into the kitchen to get some refreshments. When she returned, she saw that Sam was sitting at the table by himself.
She put the tray down and said, "What did you do to run them off this time?"
"I didn't do anything," Sam replied. "We were just sitting here and a mouse ran across the floor. Sue looked at me and said that we can get rid of mice by shoving steel wool into their little holes. All I asked was, 'How do you hold their little feet?' They both got up and left."

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when the give me the silent treatment, more...

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and Im getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but Im scared to fly and I get very seasick. "Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "Thats impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! Youre going to have to think of another wish." The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "Ive been married and divorced four times. My w ives always said that I dont care and that Im insensitive. So, I wish that I more...

A genie grants a man one wish for a good deed the man did.
The man says "Please build a bridge from here to Hawaai so that I can drive there whenever I want"
The genie says " Oh, it is a very very difficult task. Immagine all the labour work involved sinking concrete pillars to the bottom of the ocean. Can you please ask for a more easier task"
The man says "Okay, please let me get a full understanding of a woman's brain, about her mood changes, what causes them to nag their husbands etc"
The genie thinks for a while and asks "How many lanes do you want on that bridge"