Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes
(This joke is from a professor who refered to lawyers as the second
oldest profession:)
There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three
dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged
to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
make.
The doctor said, "Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided
to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built
a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage
of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip:
The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks)
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!"
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much more...
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armoury securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face...
When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly "Deck One!"
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew more...
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
One day there was a Mexican, an American, and a German and they were
on a bridge. The German took a puff of his cigarette and threw it
in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country. The Mexican took a sip of his beer
and threw it in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country. The American beat up the Mexican
and threw it in the river. They asked what did you do that for he said I got
plenty of them in my country.
blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.
The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
An Italian man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand more...