Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

A man was looking to hire a driver for a bus tour business. Three men applied for the job. He calls one into his office to interview him. The man says that he can put the wheels right on the edge of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is very impressed. He calls another man in. This man says that he can put the wheels halfway off of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is again very impressed. He calls the last man in. He says, "I heard what the other two guys said, and I don't think I could match them. I usually drive in the middle of a bridge".

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out. The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick." The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women." The genie pauses for a moment and says -"So, this bridge you want... two lanes or four?"

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish." Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. more...

Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse
A kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish
Something you open other than a door - Your bowels
A food that can be brown or white - Potato
A jacket potato topping - Jam
A famous Scotsman - Jock
Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it - Window
A non living object with legs - Plant
A domestic animal - Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
A way of cooking fish – Cod
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled more...

Overheard at the bridge table:
"Lay down and let's see what you've got."
"I've got strength but no length."
"Take your hand off my trick!"
"You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise."
"Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine."
"I have to protect my honour now."
"Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber."

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help
mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
women; I want to know how she more...