Bridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?'

The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.'

The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!'

The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!'

The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!'

The would-be jumper replied,' Who?'

With that the Alabama man said,' Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump'

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.
The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!"
The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick."
The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish!"
The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women."
The genie pauses for a moment and says -
"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four?"

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick."The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish!"The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women."The genie pauses for a moment and says -"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four?"

A man walking along a beach stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "Okay...you released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah. You get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly as I get a sick feeling within. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Also, think of how much concrete would be needed...how much steel! No, you must think of another wish."
The man said, "Okay," and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care about them and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish I could understand women, know how they feel inside, more...

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me always, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
"Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the more...

In memory of Ted Kennedy, a bridge in Martha's Vineyard will be named after him.

A blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who landed in the water first?
The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.