Broke Jokes / Recent Jokes

I went into the doctors the other day and saw the doctor examining a patient.
the patient said,
'I have a serious problem with my arm, look'
the arm lifted slightly and said,
'give me a tenner'
the arm the lifted halfway and said
'give my 100 quid'
and then the arm lifted as high as it could and it sais
'give me a grand'
The doctoe was still examining and eventually he said
'I'm afraid your arm is broke'

A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs. "The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!" The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders. So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom.
No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into her room.
Laughing hysterically, he said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!"
As he began to compose himself, he asked, "So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

Michael Jackson is seeking a comeback in London because he's broke like everybody else. Except he was broke well before the economy bust. Remember when he was running a children's amusement park and not charging admission? Plus open bar! That business model was never going to work.

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!" "Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation:
"Would you marry someone who was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy and sarcastic?"
"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."