Broke Jokes / Recent Jokes

My wife just left, and the well went dry.
My horse is sick and about to die.
Then my still blew up and the barn burned down,
And the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got rabies and bit the cat,
And they both died soon after that.
Now I lost my specs, and my pipe-stem broke,
So I can't even sit and read and smoke.
A tree fell on the chicken shed,
And most of the hens got smashed plumb dead.
Then a chimney fire took half of a wall,
And this old shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old dead vine,
And sat smack dab on a porcupine.
Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed out,
And my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank foreclosed, so I've lost my place,
And my cow disappeared without a trace.
They cut off my credit at the grocery store,
And I lost my job and a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse,
As things keep going from bad to more...

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

There was a bolond haired man he was taking a truck full of monkey across town to a zoo a few miles along the road he broke down he was all woried he was gona be fired when along came another blond man do u need a hand he asks please replys the man will u take these monkeys to london zoo they must be there in 3hours ok he said two hours later the same man drove past the man whos car had broke down so he put hes hands out and stoped the man were the hell have u been u should be nearly in london bye now well i had half an hour spare so i took them to the park to he replied

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us." The boss screamed, "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!
We had $100 when we broke in!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12thYo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge tooYo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time pleaseYo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumpingYo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was awarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded.
One day a lady asked him, "What do you think of my dress? It cost me thousands of dollars."
The boy replied, "That is the most stupid dress I have ever seen in my life, and will haunt me in my afterlife! It's more terrible than a fifty-year old swine that was drowned in mud when it was three! I think you should go back to the garbage disposal and feed it to a goat!" He said all that truthfully.
After he said that, the lady called 911 and he went to juvenile hall.