Broke Jokes / Recent Jokes
These stories come under the heading:' 'Doc! I was minding my own business when.........
KENNETT, MO - Paramedics rescued a man who had lodged his penis in his bathroom sink drain. The man had been trying to change a light bulb above the sink when he slipped on the lip and fell. His penis sustained heavy bruising and abrasions and swelled so much that he was unable to remove it from the drain. A neighbor, hearing his shouts, called police. They broke the door down, despite the victim's fevered pleas that he was fine and in no need of assistance. Paramedics arrived within 10 minutes and administered an injection, causing the swelling to drop so that the penis could be removed without damage to it or the sink.
LOS ANGELES, CA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza, was released from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.' 'My dog drags the thing all over the house,'' he said later.' 'He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, more...
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carr ied us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE more...
I'm so broke yesterday somebody broke into my used car and didn't steal shit, they just left a note on my steering wheel that said, "My Bad".
They were even nice enough to lock my car doors.
"Normal people. .. believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
-- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Your momma so fat... she fell in love and broke it.
Your momma so fat... shes on both sides of the family tree.
Your momma so fat she broke the family tree.
The Major went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, sweating heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran five miles, and now I'm here."
The Major was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the soldier go. Moments later, more soldiers came up to the Major panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The Major eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too.
Another soldier jogged up to the Major, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the more...
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song.
Well, this happened... but then they danced for the second song too.
And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.
A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.
''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''
''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.
''No kidding,'' said the best man.' 'I broke three of my fingers.''