Broker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician.
"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed, "I told you, I knew the secret!" "What is your secret?" the mathematician asked. "It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine." "But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested. "I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!"

A stockbroker, cold calling about a penny stock, found a taker. "This one is really going to move," the broker said. "It's only a $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares," said the client.
The following day, the stock was at $2. Seeing this, the client called the broker and told him to buy him 5000 more shares.
The next day the client checked in the newspaper and the stock was now at $4. Running to the phone, he called the broker and told him to get him 10,000 more shares.
Checking the paper the following day the client now saw that the stock was at $9. Thinking what a great profit he had made in just a few days, the client raced to the phone and called the broker. "Sell all my shares," he instructed.
"To whom?" the broker replied. "You were the only one buying that stock!"

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the races. The broker suggested to bet $10, 000 on a horse. The analyst was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the analyst.

"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret!"

"What is your secret?" the analyst asked.

"It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."

"But, three and five is eight," the analyst protested.

"I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct?!"

After reading the morning headlines about the recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!"

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?"

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said."Anything, anything," said the ambassador."First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation."Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in more...

Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash "He can't come to the phone right now..he's on the ledge." "He won't be in today...he was made an offer and he refused." "He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift." "I'm sorry, sir..she's not in...she's out digging up your can as we speak." There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please." "He's on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?" "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange" "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak." "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup." "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said." Anything, anything," said the ambassador." First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation." Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion more...