Browsers Jokes

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP, Sept. 2, 2002) - Senate Majority Leader Ray
Noorda (P-Utah) today demanded that the Department of Justice order
Microsoft and Netscape to cease development of new Internet browsers,
saying the ever-escalating battle for Internet dominance had sapped the
American economy of its vitality.
In an impassioned speech before the Perotista-controlled Senate, Noorda -
once a key figure in the information technology industry - claimed
American workers and shoppers are so consumed with downloading new
browser versions, Netscape plug-ins and Microsoft ActiveX Controls that they no
longer have time to produce anything of value or to consume products. "We
have been transformed from a nation of thinkers and doers to a nation of
downloaders worried about whether we are keeping up with the
technological Jones'es," Noorda said.
Noorda's comments came only a day after Netscape released Version 407 of
its Navigator more...

Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft; One Firm To Make Software, Other To Make Patches
Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry
Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) — In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent companies — one that will continue to make Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software, and another, potentially larger company that will make patches for Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software.
Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft's standing as the world's most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for security holes in Microsoft programs is a major, untapped growth industry, and applauded the states for not allowing Redmond to control it.
"Just consider, more...