Brush Jokes / Recent Jokes

From "Little Moron' Stories" by Ernest W. Baughman, 'Hoosier Folklore Bulletin' 1943. - Quoted in B.A. Botkin (ED) A Treasury of American Folklore, Newyork: Crown Publishers, 1944.
Little moron was painting the house when another one came up and said, "Got a good hold on that brush?"
"Yep."
"Well, if you are sure you got a good hold on that brush I'll borrow your ladder for a second."
"O.K. but don't keep it long. The handle of this paint brush is kind of slippery."
Little moron's wife send him down town after a bucket of ice. He came back with a pail of water. "I got this for half price because it was melted."
Little moron took two slices of bread and went down and sat on the street corner waiting for the traffic jam. A big truck came along and gave him a jar.
Q: Why did the little moron go to the lumber yard?
A: To look for his draft board.

** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

Q: Why do the swedes brush their teeth? A: Because they don`t want the food to get dirty.

For Christmas last year my wife gave me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity Internet Web team in college, I decided it was a good idea to try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. I thought y'all might enjoy my journal:
Day 1:
Started the morning at 5: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club, Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about 30-50 points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was more...

I had some reservations about writing this joke.But since i'm a black Finlander I suppose its alright.Most people dont know this but the Indians are the inventors of the tooth brush,since if the white man invented it,it would surely be called the teeth brush.

One girl, just after her childhood, started doing a part-time job, in a brush factory. In a few months time, she found hair appearing in her secret area, and she was very upset. Day by day, the hair started growing, and she thought this was an effect of the brushes, and that her secret area was converting into a brush. So she decided to quit the job.
She went to meet her boss, who was a middle-aged gentleman, and told him that she was leaving the company. So the the boss asked her why she wanted to leave.
She said, "Look what the brushes are doing to me. A brush has started appearing right here" and showed him her secret area.
The boss, trying to educate her in this subject said, "Look child; this is quite a natural phenomena. It has nothing to do with the brushes. this happens to every one at your age. Look what we got" and showed her his secret area. The girl became horrified, and said "Oh my god! You have got the handle also!", and left more...

Martha Stewart vs Me...

Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.

Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?

Martha's more...