Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to
time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a
patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer
a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him
or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would
use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the
teacup."
"No" said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. ..
Do you want a room with or without a view?"
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A: A bird that lays down!
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
Q: Why don't chickens like people?
A: They beat eggs!
Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!
Q: What happened when the chicken ate cement?
A: She laid a sidewalk!
Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
A: She kicked the bucket!
Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: Because the chicken needed a day off
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side!
Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
A: Because it ran out of cluck!
Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top more...
A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.
A man who was unemployed for several months gets a job with Public works. He is to paint lines down
the center of a rural road. The supervisor tells him he is on probation and that he must stay at or
above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain hired. The man agrees to the conditions and starts
the next day.
The supervisor checks and finds the man completed 4 miles. "Great," he thought, "this man will work
out."
The next day he finds the man only did 2 miles but the supervisor thought, "well he is still at the
average and I don't want him to get discouraged."
The third day however the man only did one mile and the Boss thought, "I need to talk to him."
The boss pulls the new employee in and says, "Son, you were doing great, the first day you did 4
miles the second day 2 miles but yesterday you only did one mile, Why? Is there a problem? An injury,
equipment failure, anything more...
Having her hair done at a West Hempstead beauty parlor, a woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice. The story deserves a wider audience.
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City the woman related, she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slot for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she would stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator bank.
As she was about to walk into an elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big. Very big. An intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt more...
Q&A's about Salami Bin Coward & the Talibuttheads: Q: Why does Salami Bin Coward carry a Turd in his pocket? A: It's his photo ID. Q: What do Salami Bin Coward and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing - "yet". Q: How do you play Talibutthead bingo? A: B-52... F-16... B-1... Q: What is the Talibuttheads national bird? A: Duck. Q: How is Salami Bin Coward like Fred Flintstone? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble. Q: What does Salami Bin Coward and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What's the difference between the Talibuttheads and a bucket of crap? A: The bucket. Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan? A: Two days. Q: Why don't Salami Bin Coward's people eat turd sandwiches? A: They hate bread. Q: Why don't the Talibuttheads have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day? A: The camels can't handle it.