Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes

Quick Thinking
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they more...

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume. The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will get soaking wet.
The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single..
Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk? ”
Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain. Man: Ok, but that’s not so bad.
Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can’t explain.
Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over more...

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.The only two things we do with greater frequency in our old age are urinate and attend funerals.The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

One day, farmer Brown was in town picking up some supplies. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Next, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a goose and a couple of chickens. Now, however, he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
The livestock dealer said, "Why not put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Good thinking. Thanks," the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking, he met a lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1725 Willoughby Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1835 Willoughby Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.
The lady replied, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, more...

Upon retiring, a couple wanted to move from the city and live a country life-style.
They went house hunting in the most secluded area they could find. One listing was a beautiful cottage home being sold by the owner, and they decided to check it out.
They were shown the house with its 2 bedrooms and den, kitchen w/breakfast nook, parlor and dining room. When the tour was done, the woman whispered something to her husband, and they both turned back to the owner.
The husband mentioned not seeing a bathroom. The owner then said, "Oh, yes, walk this way"...
They left the house through the back door and went down a winding walkway about 50 yards.
There, at the end of the walk was an outhouse... It was shabby looking, roof shingles missing, paint totally faded, the door had only one hinge and was hanging oddly, and in the middle of the floor was a bucket.
The woman was shocked at the sight and said to the owner, "My goodness, that looks terrible, so more...