Bucks Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy comes home from work at the pickle factory and his wife asks him how his day was.
"Horrible," he says. "After 10 years working at the pickle factory, they fired me."
"Why'd they fire you?" asked his wife.
"Well, me and a bunch of the guys went out to a bar during lunch and got pretty loaded. When we got back, they bet me $100 bucks that I wouldn't stick my dick in the pickle slicer."
"Well, did you?" asked his wife.
"For 100 bucks?" said the husband. "Of course I did."
"Well, is your dick OK?" asked the wife.
"It's fine."
"Well, what happened to the pickle slicer?" asked his wife.
"They fired her too."

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you
another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back more...

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine." By this time Mr. more...

A high school student came home from school with a writing assignment and asked his father for help. "Dad, could you explain the difference between potential and reality to me?" he asked.
He father looked up and said, "Son, I'll do better than that. I'll demonstrate it for you. Go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then, go and ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. After you've done that, come back and tell me what you've learned."
The boy is puzzled but decided to see if he can figure out what his father meant.
He found his mother and asked, "Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford if someone gave you a million bucks?"
His mother blushed a little and said with a sheepish grin, "I sure would, but don't tell your father."
He then went to his sister and asked, "Hey, sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt if someone gave you a million more...

Bill walks into a bar. He sits down. He takes out a little tiny man and sits him on the bar. Takes out a little tiny piano. Sets it on the bar. The little tiny man starts playing the little tiny piano.Bob, who is sitting next to Bill, looks at him and says, "Holy crap. Where'd you get that?" Bill replies, "Well, I wished for it. Out back, behind the bar, there's a lamp with a genie in it. I rubbed it and he granted me a wish..."So Bob goes out behind the bar and sure enough, he finds a lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out and says that he'll grant him one wish. "I wish for a million bucks!" Bob said. So the sky parts and a million ducks fall out. Bob walks back into the bar and sits back down next to Bill. "What the hell? I asked for a million bucks and I got a million DUCKS!" Bob said frustrated. Bill looks at Bob and nods. "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.

"I'm all finished," she told the more...

"This should be taken care of right away."
-- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here?"
-- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Let me check your medical history."
-- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
-- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."
-- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
-- I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"Let me schedule you for more...