Bud Jokes / Recent Jokes

Who's On First(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows? BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: You know the fellows' names? BUD: Yes. LOU: Well, then who's playin' first. BUD: YesLOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base. BUD: Who. LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis. BUD: Who. LOU: The guy on first base. BUD: Who is on first. LOU: Well, what are you askin' me for? BUD: I'm not asking you -- I'm telling more...

"Wheres your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain. "I aint got one, Sir." "Youre in England. now, Bud. Not aint, havent. I havent got a pencil. You havent got a pencil. They havent got a pencil.""Gee!" said Bud. "Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didnt know pencils were so hard to come by."

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Bud. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Bud. The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."

Bud invited his pal Lou - who came from Dallas - to go watch his home team playing a
great match. Being a avid baseball lover, Lou wanted to know the names of the players
of the home team. Unfortunately, Bud only knew their nick names only. So here goes the
conversation took place between the two friends.
Lou: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the
team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
fellows?
Bud: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays
very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we
have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the
St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: You more...

Knock Knock Who's there! Bud! Bud who? Budweiser, the King of Beers!

Who's On First

(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)

LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows?

BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --

LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.

BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --

LOU: You know the fellows' names?

BUD: Yes.

LOU: Well, then who's playin' first.

BUD: Yes

LOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base.

BUD: Who.

LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. more...

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF...

1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3. You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
6. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
7. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
8. Wookies are offended by your B. O.
9. You have ever used the force to get yourself another Bud Light so you didn't miss a NASCAR interview with any of the Allisons.
10. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
11. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side. .. it'll be a hoot."
12. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
13. You have a more...