Budget Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to
my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.""Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"

Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.

Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.


East Coast West Coast

absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review

ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust

punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that more...

Mary decided it was time to trim her household budget wherever possible, so rather than having her dress dry-cleaned, she washed it by hand.
Proud of her savings, she boasted to her husband, "Just think, honey, we're eight dollars richer because I washed my dress by hand."
"Good," her husband replied. "Wash it again!"

Movie Name and description:
Total Recall - What Arnold Schwarzenegger did to Former CA Gov. Grey Davis.
Kindergarten Cop - What Californians want Arnold to be to the CA legislators.
True Lies - What our legislators say.
Jingle all the Way - The sound of the special interest legislator's deep pockets.
Collateral Damage - What Former CA Gov. Grey Davis called the budget deficit he made.
Terminator - What CA needs.
End of Days - What will happen to the legislators if they don't pass a budget.
Predator - What Former Gov. Grey Davis campaign fundraising skills are called.
Last Action Hero - This Gov. really did save a person's life.
Raw Deal - What the Dems are giving Arnold.
The Running Man - Run Arnold, the Legislators are scary people

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
"Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."
"Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

A SMALL boy was watching the proceedings of Parliament. He noticed that while Finance Minister Manmohan Singh was presenting the budget, most members had, what appeared to him to be Walkman sets used for listening to taped music, over their ears. Somewhat bewildered, he turned to his father and remarked:' Papa, these MPs take no interest in the debate. While the Finance Minister is presenting his budget proposals, they are listening to pop music'

The budget
Helen and Issy were having a hard time financially and needed to keep their spending to a minimum. To keep her household account as low as she could, Helen decided not to have her dress dry-cleaned. Instead, she washed it by hand. When Issy returned from work, Helen proudly told him of her idea to save money.
She said, "Just think, Issy, we are £3 richer because I washed this dress by hand."
"Great," Issy quickly replied. "Wash it again!"