"Fun with Newspeak" joke

Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.

Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.

East Coast West Coast

absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review

ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust

punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that point
unemployed consulting

follow the spec is there a spec?
get out of my office let's get concensus on this one
he's a jerk he's not signed on to our plan
he's a subordinate he's a team player
I'll cover your ass consider me your resource

over budget on schedule
under budget we haven't started yet
we finished early (no translation available)
we're done how do you feel about that?
what's your problem? I certainly understand your feelings

where's the spec? what's a spec?
where's the schedule? what's the game plan?
your plan sucks let me share my feelings on this plan

dictator facilitator
do it and do it now can you sign up for this program?
do it right or you're fired I'm confident you'll get it done
fuck off trust me