Building Jokes / Recent Jokes
15 things we wouldn`t know if it wasn`t for the movies
1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,
3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphaous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thro
You Know You're From New York City When...
1.) You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
2.) You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3.) You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4.) Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5.) The subway makes sense.
6.) You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
7.) You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
8.) The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
9.) You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
10.) You consider Westchester "upstate".
11.) You think Central Park is "nature."
12.) You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
13.) You're paying more...
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah." Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I more...
Why does a blond jump off of a 100 story building?
GIVE UP?
To see if here maxie pads really do have wings.
Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium but it is keeping its location hidden from the public.Yeah, they're afraid the Tigers will find out where it is and try to play there.
Q: Why did the three blonds jump off of the roof of the building??
A: They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings!
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft`s electronic navigation and communications
equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could
not determine the helicopter`s position and course to
steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the
helicopter`s window. The pilot`s sign said
"WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the
aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a
building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined
the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER"
sign helped determine their position.
The more...