Built Jokes / Recent Jokes

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
Don't listen to critics - do what must be done.
Build on high ground.
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Two heads are better than one.
Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles.
Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain-shovel!
Stay below deck during the storm.
The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat...
No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.Don't listen to critics - do what must be done.Build on high ground.For safety's sake, travel in pairs.Two heads are better than one.Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles.Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain-shovel! Stay below deck during the storm.The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat...No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time more...

An American tourist hired a sardarji guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. When taken to the Red Fort at Agra, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it had taken to build. The sardarji replied,' Twenty years'.
The American remarked,' You Indians are a lazy lot. In America, this could have been built in five years.' At the Taj he again admired its beauty and asked how many years it had taken to build.
The sardarjireduced the period considerably and replied,' Only ten years, sir'
The American retorted:' Didn't I say you Indians are slow workers? In America, we can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half years.'
It was the same story everywhere. The American admired the architecture but said that in his country it would have taken one fourth the time to build. The sardarjigot irritated. When the taxi was nearing the Qutab Minar, the American asked:' What is that tower?'
Came the reply,' Sir, I'll have to go and find out. When I was passing more...

Four brothers left home for college and they became
successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able
to give their elderly mother who lived in another
city. The first said, "I had a big house built
for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar
theater built in the house." The third said,
"I had a Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to
her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading
the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because
she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told
me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible.
It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I
had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty
years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just
has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will
recite more...

In Columbia Maryland, work is progressing on one of the most beautiful chapels I've ever seen. Since there was no sign at the site, I stopped and asked the Superintendent what denomination it was being built for.
He said, "None at the moment, a group of investors are building it on speculation."

Three sons
Three sons left England and went to live in the USA, where they prospered. One day, they met and discussed the gifts they were able to give their old mother.
David said, "I built a big house for mum."
Henry said, "I sent her a Lexus - with a driver."
Alan said, "You remember how mum enjoys reading the bible. Because she now can`t see very well, I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the whole bible. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse."
Soon afterwards, a letter of thanks came from their mother.
“David, the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Henry, I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Lexus. And that driver has shpilkas--he`s a pain in the tuchas. But Alan, the chicken was delicious.”