Built Jokes / Recent Jokes
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
One: Don't miss the boat.Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old someone may ask you to do something really big.Five: Don't listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be done.Six: Build your future on high ground.Seven: For safety's sake travel in pairs.Eight: Speed isn't everything. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.Nine: When you're stressed, float awhile.Ten: Remember the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God there's always a rainbow waiting.
Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:
1. A Particular model year of car wouldn`t be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you`d have to buy a new car.
3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you`d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car `95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it`s that way NOW!
6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about thew new features in Microsoft cars, more...
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!
There were three guys stuck on an island. On of them found a lamp and rubbed it. Out came a genie. He said for freeing me I'll grant you each a wish.
The first guy said I wish I were 25% smarter. So poof! He was 25% smater built a raft and got off the island.
The nex guy said I wish I were 50% smarter. So poof! He was 50% smater built a canoe and got off the island.
The last guy said I wish I were 100% smarter. So poof! He was 100% turned into a girl and walked across the bridge!!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of thewindshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, andbegged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: more...