Built Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."
So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.
The husband says, "I can deal with that."
He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you anyway."
The husband says, "I have something to confess also."
She says, "No matter what I will still love you."
He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."
She says, "I can deal with that."
So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.
She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"
He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

A man and his new bride were in their honeymoon suite on the night of their wedding. They had never been intimate. When the new wife shyly suggested they get undressed the man said he needed to make a confession. He told his new wife that he was built like a baby. The new wife pondered over this for a moment and then gently told him that is was ok and they would work it out.

Then the man unzipped his pants and his penis rolled out and fell to the floor. The wife gasped and said,' I thought you said you were built like a baby?'

The husband replied,' I am, 6 lbs. 8ozs, and 22 inches long!'

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer conceal.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very delighted. He built her a teepee made of antelope conceal.

The third companion gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide.

The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.

Lastly, one young brave stated that the third companion had given delivery to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The soldier answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on the old long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit of their Legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the more...