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1689 - Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.

1691 - Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him. 1692 - Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit. 1703 - Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact. 1704 - Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.

1705 - Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.

1716 - After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar more...

If Microsoft Built Cars

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and

Batteries not included. Been napping in front of the ion shield again. Been playing with his wand too much. Been playing with the pharmacy section again. Been short on oxygen one time too many. Been using her head as a mass driver. Blew his O-rings. Blew the hatch before the lock sealed. Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches with his head. Blown/leaking head gasket. Born a day late and like that ever since. Born during low tide in the gene pool / swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. Born ugly and built to last. Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat. Brain is running on empty. Brain like a hard drive with no read/write head. Brain permanently in power saving / 8-bit mode. Brain transplant donor. Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint. Bright as Alaska in December. Bright as an acetylene torch - without an oxygen supply. Brings binoculars to submarine races. Broadcasts static. Bubbles/leaks in her think tank. Built a special showcase more...

First, I was going to tell you about the wooden car that I built, with a wooden engine, but it wooden go.
Then, I built it out of steel, but it steel wooden go.
Finally, I built it out of tin; now it tin go!
I even put Italian tires on it. Dago through rain, dago through mud, dago through snow.
But, when dago flat, dago Wop, Wop, Wop!

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a. . . well. . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret." The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man. . . "The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!""And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door. . . " "Yes yes!""Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man speaks; "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man gestured at the bar." Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!"Then the old man points out the window." Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-thePier-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says: "But ya fuck one goat......"

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a... well... unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man - sigh - he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man... "The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!""And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door...""Yes yes!""Would you help me move the refrigerator?"