Built Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn’t built in a day!

What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
That was an arrow escape!

A history joke
What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman’s bedroom?
Don’t worry, I’m just passing through!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn’t know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. more...

Two builders (Paddy and Shamus) are seated either side of table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a Guinness and sits on a stool at the bar.
So Paddy and Shamus start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Paddy: I reckon he's an accountant. Shamus: No bleedin way, he's a stockbroker. Paddy: He ain't no bleedin stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't be seen dead in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of Guinness gets the better of Paddy and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several Guinness get the better of the Paddy...
Paddy: Scuse me sir... no offence meant, but me and me mate Shamus were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession! Paddy: Oh! What's dat den? Suit: I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Paddy: Er .. mmm... well yeah, I do as it more...

A history jokeTeacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasnt built in a day!

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an
exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in
England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the
same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs
and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other
spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the
spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit more...

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did ''they'' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used more...

The couple were on their way to their honeymoon, when the wife suddenly said, "Honey, I have a confession to make. I'm very flat-chested."
"That's okay, dear," the husband replied. "There's much more to marriage than sex."
"I also have a confession to make," he continued. "Below the belt, I'm built like a baby."
"That's okay. Like you said, there's more to marriage than sex," the wife replied.
When they finally arrived at their room, the wife took off her clothes, and sure enough she was as flat as a board. Her husband then removed his clothes and she took one look and immediately fainted.
When she finally came to, her husband asked, "What happened? Why did you faint?"
"You said you were built like a baby," she said.
"Yes, that's right, 8 pounds, 20 inches!" replied the husband.