Built Jokes / Recent Jokes

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

There were three guys stuck on an island. On of them found a lamp and rubbed it. Out came a genie. He said for freeing me I'll grant you each a wish. The first guy said I wish I were 25% smarter. So poof! He was 25% smater built a raft and got off the island. The nex guy said I wish I were 50% smarter. So poof! He was 50% smater built a canoe and got off the island. The last guy said I wish I were 100% smarter. So poof! He was 100% turned into a girl and walked across the bridge!!

1757
The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
training reindeer to fly.

1773
The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
major form of transportation.

1774
A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

1777
As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...

Why arent football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever more...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And more...

Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way NOW! 6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.8. People would get excited about thew new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other more...