Bulb Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.

Nov 28, 2005
Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
appliances and the security system. Everything runs
off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
Nov 30
Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
Dec 3
Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
everything. more...

Aries:
Just one. You want to make something of it? Taurus:
One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.Gemini:
Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done.Cancer:
Just one. But it takes a therapist three years
to help them through the grief process.Leo:
Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes
their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them
while they're out.Virgo:
Approximately 1.0000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.Libra:
Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? Scorpio:
That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.Sagittarius:
The sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid more...

Q:How do you kill a circus?
A:Go for the juggler!

Juggler: "I think someone's out to get me"
Friend: "what makes you think that?"
Juggler: "Yesterday I received a package containing three hand grenades!"

Juggler walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm. Says to the barman' do you serve clowns here'
"sure" replies the barman.
'great' says the juggler' I'll have a beer for myself and a clown for my alligator.

Q: how many jugglers does it take change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it, eight to say "I can do that" and the tenth to say "That's my trick!"

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they do it over and over and over again.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they insist on showing each variation of possible changes.

Q: What's the more...

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again.Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried? A: Because he's Haydn! Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt.Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs.Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. They have machines that do that now.
A2: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
A3: One, but only after asking, "Why?" ("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
A4: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
A5: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. We have the housekeeping staff do it for us.

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Please let us know!

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to more...