Bulb Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

Q: How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his pocket into more...

A factory foreman is walking through the work area, and notices that Kawolski isn't at his station.
He asks one of the other workers if they know where Kawolski is, and the employee points straight up in the air. The foreman looks up, and there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.
"Get down from there, Kawolski," he yells, to which Kawolski replies, "But I'm a light bulb!"
The boss is -NOT- impressed, and makes Kawolski climb down and get back to work.
About an hour later, the boss is walking through the factory once again, and once again he notices that Kawolski is missing. On a hunch, he looks up, and again sees Kawolski hanging by one arm from the rafters.
The foreman makes him climb down, and chews him out, saying that if he catches Kawolski up there one more time, he's going to get fired.
Another hour later, the boss is making another round, and sure enough... there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the more...

Q: How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup. Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him. Q: What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche. Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. A: She was known as the deep C diva. Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds. Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice. Ever hear the one about the tenor who was so off-key that even the other tenors could tell? Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb? A: more...

Question: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Twelve. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... and one to change the bulb.

Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two - if you slice them very thinly.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they are pigs.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for more...