Bulb Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four others to tell him how much better they could have done it.

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink' till the room spins.

Q. How do you Scare a Man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars that they have no intention of driving.
Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. How do you get a man to exercise?
A. Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know. It's never happened.
Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A. Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for more...

How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.

Why was the moron hitting his head against the wall?
Because it felt so good when he stopped!
What do you call 12 morons at the bottom of a pool?
An air pocket!
Why did the moron drive his truck off the bridge?
He wanted to check his airbrakes!
How many morons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3...one to hold the bulb, and 2 to turn the chair!
Why did the moron open the refrigerator door?
He wanted to see the salad dressing!
How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner!

How many Irishmen does it take to replace a light bulb? 30, 2 to hold the light bulb and 28 to drink till the room starts spinning.

The answer is 10.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner, "Mission Accomplished."

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb, and screwing the more...