Bulb Jokes / Recent Jokes
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on whether it has health insurance.
None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many Contract Bridge players does it take to change a Light Bulb?
A: Five. One to change it; their partner to stare at them in complete confusion; one opposing player to ask the partner what they think the changer means by this; the other opponent to complain to the tournament director that there was a deliberate hesitation before the light bulb was changed; and the tournament director to agree and have the old bulb put back in.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE? NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY more...
what is the difference in a light bulb and a pregnant lady? you can unscrew the light bulb
How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant.
Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley`s second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta`s Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn`t fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How more...
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to change it back again.