Bullet Jokes / Recent Jokes
The General: Faster than a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a locomotive,
Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water, and
Talks with God
The Colonel: Just as fast as a speeding bullet,
More powerful than a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a single bound,
Walks on water when it's calm, and
Talks with God on special occasions
The Lt Col: Faster than a speeding BB,
Loses a tug-of-war with a switch engine,
Leaps over small buildings with a running start,
Swims well, and
Listens at a distance to the voice of God.
The Major: Can load a gun properly,
Plays with train sets,
Leaps over Quonset huts with a running start,
Can do the Dog Paddle, and
Sometimes pays attention to what the Lt. Col. says,
The Captain: Is not issued ammunition for fear of self-inflicted injury,
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times,
Runs into buildings,
Can wade through water less more...
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short
walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.
The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3
meters to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for,
aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls
INSTRUCTOR/POSTDOC
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays alot
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and more...
Once, Isaac Newton came to India and happened to watch a few Tamil movies. The poor man ended up being terribly confused about the validity of the various laws of physics that he had discovered.
Here are a few scenes from the movies that he watched.
1)Rajanikanth has a brain tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long live Rajanikanth!!!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth more...
The College Food Chain:
The Dean
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
The Department Head
Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Talks with God.
Professor
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if a special request is honored.
Associate Professor
Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
Assistant Professor
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Treads water. Talks to more...
A woman who is pregnant with triplets is standing in line at the bank. Suddenly, the bank gets robbed and she gets shot three times in the stomach.
She's rushed to hospital and although the doctor is unable to perform surgery because of her condition, he assures her that all will be fine. "The babies are all fine, but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. There's no need to worry though. The bullets will safely pass through their systems eventually."
Four months pass and she gives birth to two girls and a boy. Fourteen years later, one of the girls comes into the kitchen crying. "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing! I was going to the bathroom and I passed a bullet."
The mother comforts her daughter and explains all about what happened at the bank.
A couple of weeks later, the other daughter comes running up to her mother with tears streaming down her face. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!"
"I know what happened," more...
a woman is in the ghetto one day and she is pregnant with triplets and she goes into the store and gets shot three times one in each womb.when she goes to the doctor she says they will be alright but will be some side affects.one of the girls come in and says mom i just peed a bullet she said youll be alright i just got shot thirteen years ago another girl comes in and says ijust peed a bullet to youll be alright so the boy comes in ballin his eyes out his mom asked did you pee a bullet? no i was jakin off and i shot the dog.