Leaps Jokes

General:
Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

Colonel:
Leaps over short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, and talks to God.

Lieutenant Colonel:
Leaps over short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is as fast as a speeding b-b, walks on water in an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.

Major:
Barely clears quonset huts, loses tug-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occassionally addressed by God.

Captain:
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can someimes handle a weapon without inflicting self-injury, can doggie-paddle, and talks to more...

The real interpretation of corportate titles:
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to more...

The real interpretation of corportate titles:CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with GodPRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with GodEXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approvedVICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by GodGENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to animalsMANAGER: Runs into more...

UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls
INSTRUCTOR/POSTDOC
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays alot
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and more...

I found this on a wall at Iowa State University.
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THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without more...