"Interpreting Coporate Titles..." joke

The real interpretation of corportate titles:
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to animals
MANAGER: Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotive two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can't stay afloat with a life preserver Talks to walls
TRAINEE: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building Says "look at the choo-choo" Wets him/herself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to him/herself
*** SECRETARY: Lifts buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth Freezes water with a single glance To all of the above...is God! ***

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