Bump Jokes

LEASH:
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A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED:
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Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL:
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Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF:
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A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.
GARBAGE CAN:
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A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine more...

To which Michael Phelps responded by popping speed and doing a bump.

A group of sister from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs. They were quite a site, seven in a row on one of those seven seater tandem bikes, headed, of course by mother superior.

They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited "OOOOOOOOO!' The mother superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, "Sisters, you must quiet down".

They went over another bump, "OOOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and warned "Sisters, please!' Your making a spectacle out of us."

And another bump, "OOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and gruffly said, "Sisters, this is your last warning. One more OOOOOO out of any of you and we are going to have to put the seats back on."

15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...

Pat was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the hill the next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye don't bump the gatepost again"