Bump Jokes / Recent Jokes

LEASH:
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A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED:
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Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL:
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Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF:
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A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.
GARBAGE CAN:
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A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine more...

After just having undergone a long and complicated operation, the patient kept complaining about a bump on his head and a horrible headache. Since his surgery had been an intestinal one, the nurse couldn't understand why he would be complaining about an aching head. Fearing that perhaps he may be suffering from some form of post-surgery shock, she decided to ask a surgeon in training about it.
"There's nothing to worry about, nurse," explained the surgeon in training. "He actually does have a bump on his head. Halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

A group of sister from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs. They were quite a site, seven in a row on one of those seven seater tandem bikes, headed, of course by mother superior.

They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited "OOOOOOOOO!' The mother superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, "Sisters, you must quiet down".

They went over another bump, "OOOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and warned "Sisters, please!' Your making a spectacle out of us."

And another bump, "OOOOOO" The mother superior turned around and gruffly said, "Sisters, this is your last warning. One more OOOOOO out of any of you and we are going to have to put the seats back on."

To which Michael Phelps responded by popping speed and doing a bump.

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...behind him.
Walking faster he looks back and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing Quickly behind him...faster...faster. ..BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, Slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on the heals of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in Sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping Towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything...but all he can find is a more...