Bunch Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not' bunch,' but' herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of' em right over there."
A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!”“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”
Three nuns were talking....... The first nun said "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines" "What did you do?", the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, " Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?", they asked "I poked holes in all of them!", she replied. The third nun fainted.
A bunch of better idiots
These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.
"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
"Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39. 95. Do you know which one it is?"
"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!
"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?
"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)
"I am looking for a list of laws more...
Three nuns were talking.
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them" she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh s#it."
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before the could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to myside of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head more...
What do you call a bunch of WHITE people jumping out of a plane? -Daytime What do you call a bunch of BLACK people jumping out of a plane? -Night time What do you call a bunch of MEXICANS jumping out of a plane? -Air pollution