Burglary Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:?My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.??Well put,? the judge replied.? Using your logic, I sentence the defendant`s arm to oneyear`s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.?The defendant smiled. With his lawyer`s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers." The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked. "They're people just like you your equals." "Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."

Eighty-five year old Ralph was a witness in a burglary case.
"Did you see my client commit this burglary, Ralph?" the defense lawyer asked.
"I sure did," Ralph replied. "I saw him take the goods."
"Ralph, this happened at night," said the lawyer. "Are you positive you saw my client commit this crime?"
"No doubt about it," replied Ralph.
"Ralph, you're eighty-five years old and your eyesight probably isn't as good as it used to be," the lawyer said. "Just how far can you see?"
"I can see the moon," Ralph said proudly. "How far is that?"

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

An attorney defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his attorneys assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers."
The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked.
"They`re people just like you “ your equals."
"Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don`t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."

Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm - a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly more...