Burn Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Once there he meets Satan.
Satan: Well, Bill since you were such an important person on the earth, you get the choose how you spend your miserable eternity here
Bill: Well what are my choices?
They walk down a hot, steamy hallway and Satan open a door. Inside the room is Bill Gates hanging by chains from the ceiling in a vat of fire.
His eternal suffering is to burn and burn and burn.
Bill: Wow! I don't think I like that one very much. What else is there?
Satan closes the door and leads the ex-President to the next. Inside that door Ross Perot is on a rack, eternally being torn to pieces, his flesh tearing and tearing over and over again.
Bill: Ouch! Nope. I'm not real pleased with that one either
Satan: OK. Maybe You;ll like this one over here.
The Lord of Hell opens a third door on the other side of the hall.
Within they see Kenneth Starr chained to a wall. He is naked and receiving oral sex from Monika more...
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?A: Bobbing for french fries.
By Nicholas Petreley
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the more...
We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer? It's usually still in the case.
181. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
182. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
183. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
184. Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
185. Q: How do you check a blonde's IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.
186. Q: How does a blonde interpret
6. 9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
187. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
188. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
189. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you more...
It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks... but with a little imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white platters invading our mailboxes and magazines.
Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife).
Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.
Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge.
At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case... the "rich nerd" look is IN this year).
Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).
Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
Room dividers for hamsters.
Drink coasters.
Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
Ice scraper.
Bathroom more...