Burn Jokes / Recent Jokes

Which candles burn longer, the candles on a girl's cake or a boy's cake?
No candles burn longer. They all burn shorter.

Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long and Phosphor
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you more...

Q: How did the blond burn her ear?A: The phone rang while she was ironing.

Q: Why does Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
A: Her dog is blind also.
Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.
Q: Why could Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?
A: She needed the other hand to moan.
Q: What happened when Helen Keller fell down the well?
A: She screamed her hands off!
You've seen the Helen Keller doll?
Wind it up, and it walks into a wall.
Ever wonder how Helen Keller could tell the difference between the men's room and the ladies room?
She feels her way around.
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: Answering the iron.
Q: How did she burn her other ear?
A: They called back.
Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
A: You'd run away too if your name was Yeeaawwoaw.
(make strange noise)
Why did Helen wear skin-tight pants?
So her friends could read her lips.
How did Helen Keller break her hand?
Trying to read the stop sign at 50 more...

Q: Why does Helen Keller have a yellow leg? A: Her dog is blind also. Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in the backyard? A: Neither did she. Q: Why could Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? A: She needed the other hand to moan. Q: What happened when Helen Keller fell down the well? A: She screamed her hands off! You've seen the Helen Keller doll? Wind it up, and it walks into a wall. Ever wonder how Helen Keller could tell the difference between the men's room and the ladies room? She feels her way around. Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear? A: Answering the iron. Q: How did she burn her other ear? A: They called back. Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? A: You'd run away too if your name was Yeeaawwoaw.(make strange noise)Why did Helen wear skin-tight pants? So her friends could read her lips. How did Helen Keller break her hand? Trying to read the stop sign at 50 mph. HOW DID HELEN KELLER BURN HER FACE? ANSWER: BOBBING FOR FRENCH FRIES! How did Helen more...

Cesium (Burning in the Dead of Night)
(Tune, Blackbird)
Cesium burning in the dead of night.
Take your sky blue lines and start to shine.
All my life,
I was only waiting for the moment you were mine.
Cesium burning on a lake of ice.
Lift your glorious flame up to the skies.
All your life,
You were only waiting for some water to arise.
Cesium burn.
Cesium burn.
Give your light to this coal black night.
- Songs of Cesium #133

Top reasons why it's great to be Canadian

It beats being an American.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?

A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins

Own-an-eskimo scheme.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground