Burst Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the UT guy extensively.

The robbery begins. The Bama man drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the Vol, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said the Vol.

The Vol goes in the bank while the Bama man waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes. . . Two minutes pass. . . Seven minutes pass and the Bama guy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes the Vol. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are more...

If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.Wear wool or feathers and more...

Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...

A Hindu, a Rabbi and a lawyer were out driving in the country late one night when their car broke down. Setting out on foot to find help, they came upon a farmhouse and explained their problem to the farmer. The farmer said they could spend the night but, since he only had two beds, one of them would have to sleep in the barn.
The Rabbi agreed to sleep in the barn and allow the other two to have the beds. Minutes after the Rabbi left for the barn, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi burst into the bedroom and exclaimed, "I cannot sleep in the barn. There's a pig in there! It is against my religious beliefs to sleep in the same room as a pig."
The Hindu agreed that he would sleep in the barn, since he had no religious problems with pigs. A few minutes later, the Hindu came bursting into the bedroom and said, "I cannot sleep in the barn. There is a cow in there! Sleeping in the same room as a cow is against my religious beliefs."
The lawyer, more...

The farmer had borrowed a bull from a neighbor to service his two cows. He put the beast in the pasture and instructed his son to keep an eye on them. "As soon as the bull has finished, you come up to the house and tell me," he said.
When the farmer got back to the house, he found the Reverend there paying a social call. They were seated in the front room sipping tea when the boy burst in the door.
"Dad, Dad," he exclaimed, "the bull just--------the brown cow!"
Greatly embarrassed, the farmer took his son outside. "Is that any way to talk in front of the Reverend?" he demanded. "Why couldn't you have said the bull' surprised' the brown cow? I would've understood. Now go back down to the pasture and come tell me when the bull is finished."
A few minutes later the boy again burst into the room. "Dad, Dad-" he exclaimed.
Fearing another breach of verbal etiquette, the father interrupted.
"I more...

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of
Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just wait until you hear this!"
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard
some of the older boys wagering money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.
"But that's not what
has me so excited, father" replied the nun, " it was WHAT they were
wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate
the highest on the wall!!"
"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"
"Well, I hit the ceiling, father."
"How much did you win?"

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Ladyof Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state ofagitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calmdown and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nunbegan, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and Iheard some of the older boys wagering money!""A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on acontest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!""What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?""Well, I hit the CEILING, father.""How much did you win?"