Business Jokes / Recent Jokes
Always be sure to give 100% on the job...
11% on Mondays
24% on Tuesdays
40% on Wednesdays
20% on Thursdays
5% on Fridays
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with an IRS tax auditor who was reviewing the man's records.
At one point, the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Johnston, we feel it is a great privilege to be permitted to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you are obliged to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank goodness," replied Mr. Johnston, grinning ear to ear. "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."
Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it.
For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.
They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.
Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's.He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by."So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2."Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since more...
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
Schemmer’s Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations. Simmons’s Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event. SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won’t. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves. Thoreau’s Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program’s commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. 2) After more...