Butcher Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock Who's there! Butcher! Butcher who? Butcher your arms around me!

Once there was a preacher's wife who went into a bakery and asked the butcher waht the daily special was. He said it was the "damn ham."She immediatly started yelling at the top of her lungs."HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER'S WIFE!"The butcher was totally taken back by this while he wimpered, "Oh, no ma'am it's called the 'damn ham.'" She bought one of the hams.Later that day when the preacher got home he smelled the ham cooking and asked his wife what it was. She replied that it was the "damn ham." He also immediatly started yelling at the top of his lungs."HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER!"She was also taken back by this and wimpered that it was the "damn ham."At dinner that night they were eating dinner with their kids and they, too, asked what this delicoius meal was. Their father (the preacher) said that it was the "damn ham."Their son was quite happy with this. In fact he more...

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door." Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man." That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man." Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

FBI Marksman

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw the evidence of the most amazing shooting, on trees, on
walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's eyes with the bullet hole
in dead centre.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the
village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI man. "How in
the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles
afterward! !!"
THE GROCERY STORE
The story goes that there was this lady married to a Caucasian. The poor
lady was not very proficient in English but anyhow managed to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries. One day, she went to the butcher's and more...

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.
He then said, "Anything else?"
The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"
The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.
The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. more...

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around hisneck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it'shis turn to be waited on.A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchaseand noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and askedthe dog what it wanted today.The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so thebutcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butchersaid, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made upa package of four pork chops.The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could getat the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money beforetying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow thedog. The dog walked for several blocks and more...

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.
He then said, "Anything else?"
The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"
The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.
The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the more...