Butcher Jokes / Recent Jokes
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him
away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.
He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher
takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar
bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's
mouth.
The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up
shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the
bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights
to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the more...
There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and theylived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn'tknow how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a wayto communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
There was this Asian woman married to an English gentleman and they moved to London. The poor woman was not very proficient in English, although she did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher to purchase some pork legs. Not knowing how to put forward her request, and in desperation, she lifted her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher quickly got the message and the woman went home with pork legs.
The following day, she needed to buy some chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. She got the chicken breasts she wanted.
The next day, the poor woman needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the butcher shop... What were you thinking? Wrong! Her husband speaks ENGLISH!
A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant,"Do you have pigs ears?" The counter assistant replies,"No, its just the way my hair is parted!"
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya, " he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
A supermarket was having a sale on boneless chicken breasts, so a woman decided to take advantage of the opportunity and stock up.
However, when she got to the store, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.
"No need to worry, lady," the butcher said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish your shopping."
Several aisles later, the butcher's voice could be heard booming over the public address system: "Would the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."