Butt Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl. The Clean poo - The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper. The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. The Wet Cheeks Poo- That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back. The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more. The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little more...

There were 3 men who wanted to buy toilets. So they went to the nearest store and were looking at the new designs of the toilets.
The first guy asks for a toilet that would go nice in his log cabin out in the woods. So the salesman gives him a toilet made of wood.
The second guy asks for a toilet that would be nice for an igloo. So the salesman givse him a toilet made of ice.
The third guy asked for the nicest toilet they have that would go in the National History of Canada Museums employee restroom. So the salesman gives him a singing toilet with a picture of the Canadian flag on the tank.
Well they all get what they ask for.
The next day all 3 men come back with their toilets.
The first man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it I get pieces of wood stuck in my butt."
The second man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it my butt gets frozen to the seat and I have to use a hairdryer to get my butt off."
The more...

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I. D. him. Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll' im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I. D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll' im over," said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba." "How can you tell?" asked the mortician. "Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe. "Two assholes? That's impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, more...

There once was a women who bought a new house but didn't know what to name it. So she stuck her head out the window and heard Hairy Butt! So she decided to name the house Hairy Butt. Then sometime later she had a baby boy but didn't know what to name it, so she stuck her head out the window and heard the word Crack, so she named her son Crack. The next day she lost her son so she called the police and said "Help! I looked all over my Hairy Butt but I can't find my little Crack.

Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every picture of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of more...

Your mama is so fat, people use her butt cheeks as a ski slope.

Exclamations: "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." Threats: "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle." "This'll jar your preserves." "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!" Good Things/Compliments: "Cute as a sack full of puppies." "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits." The Weather: "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." Descriptions: A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off." When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count." If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats." "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin." A hectic more...