Butt Jokes / Recent Jokes

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out,
but there
is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet,
but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still
feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your
butt
and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done
poopie-ing and
you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you
have to poopie some more.
POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD
POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you
practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge
you're afraid
to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with> the toilet
brush.
GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone> within earshot more...

Reasons it's great to be a guy:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of more...

A man is flying on a very expensive airline in first class when the sudden urge to relieve himself overwhelms him.
He runs to the bathroom to find its occupied. He bangs and bangs on the door but no one comes out. The flight attendant notices the man is in distress so she tries to help him. She takes him to a bathroom exclusively for the supermodels who frequently fly on this airline. She lets him use it very quickly but warns him to not, under any circumstance, press any of the 3 buttons next to the toilet.
The man gets into the bathroom and automatically sees the buttons. They're labeled WW, WA, and ATR.
The man sits down on the toilet and immediately relieves himself. While sitting down he cant help but wonder about the buttons. He pushes the first one slowly, and all of a sudden warm water comes at his butt and washes it thoroughly. He thinks that the supermodels must really have it made.
He then pushes the second button. He hears a slight hissing noise then feels more...

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you seen the poopie come out, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
The Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times, and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin it with a stain.
The Second Wave Poopie
It happens when you're done poopying, and you have pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie
You poopie so much that you lose 30 pounds.
The Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of poopie that is sooo huge, you're afraid to flush, so you break it up into small pieces with the toilet brush.
The Gasey Poopie
It is so noisy, everyone within earshot more...

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said,' 'Hey, honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now.''

The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill, and then measured his wife's butt.' 'Yes,'' he said,' 'just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.

That evening, when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said,' 'How about it, honey? How about a little action?'' the wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

' 'What's the matter?'' he asked

To which she replied,' 'You don't think I'm going to fire up this big gas grill for one little weenie, do you?''

Three men were trying to rob a bank, when they were shot and killed.

God comes down to them and said, "I will give all three of you the chance to live, and you get one final chance to steal something."

The men all agreed. They were willing to do anything to live.

God says to them, "Go to the fruit market down the street and steal three fruit of any kind. Then come back here and I will tell you what to do."

The first man came back, carrying 3 cherries. God says to him, "If you can put all 3 cherries up your butt without making a face, I will give you your life back. If not, you are going to hell."

The man puts 2 cherries up his butt, but as he is sticking the third one inside he makes a grunting face. God snaps his fingers and sends the man to hell.

The second man came back carrying three apples. God says to him, "If you can stick all three of those apples up your butt, I will give you more...

A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...