Butt Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse. Sent by Marge
This has to be one of the funniest and most God-awful scenarios I have ever heard of… Bless this woman!!!
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…. The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; “Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet? ”
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It’s two more...
So. .. the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies NightClub." One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and putit on his butt cheek. Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She callsthe guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other buttcheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friendpulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the$50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now theattention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute. .. and then the financialanalyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down thecrack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!
Q: What is many different colors, and a pain in the butt?
A: A Jackass! (Donkey)
There are 3 guys and they all work in a store. One day a robber comes into the store with a gun ready to shoot. The guys are like please please don't shoot me! So the robber says ''only on 1 condition you have to bring a fruit tomorrow and stick it up your butt.So the next day the first guy comes with an apple and sticks it up his butt but he was shot any way. The second guy came with an orange and sticks it up his butt but he was shot anyway. So the 2 guys are up in heaven and the first guy starts laughing. ''Whats so funny, were dead!'' says the second guy. ''Its not that!'' says the first guy. ''Then what is it?''
'' I just seen the third guy with a watermellon!'' says the first guy.
A couple had been married 10 years.
One afternoon, they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said..."Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill."
Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt.
"Yep," he said, "just what I thought, just about the same size."
The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?"
The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
She replied, "You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass more...