Buttons Jokes / Recent Jokes

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom
facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight
attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants'
LADIES room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked respectively:

WW WA PP ATR
Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman,
he disregarded what she said when his curiousity got the best of him.
He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of
Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought, Wow, these gals
really have it nice.
So, a little more boldly he pressed the WA
button. Body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and
dried it comfortably. Aha, he thought, no wonder these women take so
long in the bathroom with these kind of services!
So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft more...

Once Pervez Musharaf invited the Indian prime minister to Pakistan, to show the Pakistani technology.
In the Pakistani parliament, on one side there was indian prime minister and on the other side was pakistan's prime minister. In the Pakistan prime minister's chair there were three buttons. Musharaf asked the Indian prime minister to press the three buttons one by one and after pressing each button he got a punch.
Then the Indian prime minister invited musharaf to India. Same position with Musharaf there where 3 buttons on his seat. After pressing each button Musharaf didn't feel anything. Musharaf was so angry and he told the Indian Prime minister that I am going back to pakistan. THEN THE INDIAN PRIME MINISTER LAUGHED AND REPLIED WHICH PAKISTAN? YOU HAVE ALREADY LAUNCHED 3 NUCLEAR MISSILES AND IT IS NOW NO MORE!!!!

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example:

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air component.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can shift to the bottom.

9) Hammer more...

>>To All Men Traveling the Airways
>>
>>The Gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts
>>to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The
stewardess
>>noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look
>>of pain and anxiety on his face.
>>
>>"Sir", she said, "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it
>>if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was
>>about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her
>>terms.
>>
>>The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling,
>>he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white
>>buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and
>>there was one red button labeled "ATR".
>>
>>Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit
>>there and more...

A guy is on an airplane and he was in first class. He needed to use the restroom. In first class they have a men and a womans bathroom but the mens bathroom was occupied so he asked the flight attendent to use the womans bathroom so she let him but she said whatever you do don't press any buttons but he just ignored her and when he went in he saw three buttons a WC button a WD button and an ATR button.First he pressed the WC button and it blew air up his butt. Then he pressed the WC button and it blew water up his butt.After that he pressed the ATR button and found himself in the hospital and when he woke up the nurse was in the room and he asked her why he was in the hospital and she didnt know so she asked him to remember what he did last and he said I remember pressing an ATR button and she said oh well thats an automatic tampon remover
OUCH!!!