Buy Jokes / Recent Jokes

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies." You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks." No thanks," the man replies." I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues." OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in." Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies." TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy." It's dark in here, isn't it?" more...

I cant decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm. Well, wouldnt you look silly riding a cow? Id look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!

The following information was gained through much arduous research
involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It
consists of the most often asked questions of women (i. e..
relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are
encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their
behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it
comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're
not emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that more...

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the more...

Day old, Daaay old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Work all day in the donut shop.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Some are filled with jelly, Some are glazed on top.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Come Mr. Policeman, buy my aging pastry.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
They are cheap, but they’re not very tasty.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Half dozen, whole dozen, buy a whole bunch,
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Put ‘em down at breakfast, Bring ‘em up at lunch.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Once there was a donut,
Boy was it humongous.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Took a bite and found it full of fungus.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"The others agree that sounds like a good place. Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you more...